i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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