Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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