Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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