she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
