Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
