YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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