my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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