I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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