Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
