I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
