My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
