Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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