oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
