nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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