I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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