it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
