Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
