I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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