Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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