I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
