he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
