Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
