WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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