my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
