she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
