uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
