According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
