so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
