I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
