The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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