Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
