Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
