My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
