I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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