I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
