I wanna passion pit in your ass
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
