i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So much rum. So many feels.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
