Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
