You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
