Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.