I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't deserve a penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?