I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?