Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
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This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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You can't call dibs 8 years later.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."