Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time