I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
