i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ladies don't puke and tell
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?