Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.