it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?