Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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