you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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