i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"