Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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