so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company