Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
