a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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