well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
