Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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