I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
