I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
