you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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