my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
