Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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