I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
