I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize