it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
