I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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