We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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