party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
