i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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