I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
