If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
