I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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