before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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