You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
