she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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