Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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