I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ladies don't puke and tell
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
