She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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