so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
