i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I need moral support for this bender
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
