I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
