when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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