Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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