It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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