Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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