Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm passing your future prison.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
